Today is the 3rd anniversary of "My New Life" on the web. February 16th also marks 4 years since my "Cardiac Event" in 2005.
I have been re-reading some of my earlier posts and found this one:
"Today I thought of adding an open letter to those of my family that have decided to ignore me, threaten me, hate me, and spread bad things about me. Unfortunately, I cannot change the way they feel, nor can I feel their feelings. The feelings they have are theirs and theirs alone. The only thing I can do is tell them I love them, and that I will help them in any way they want me to.
I did not choose to be gay. Likewise, I did not choose for those feelings to be so overwhelming after the events of this past year. I cherished the life I lived with all of them, without question or thought. I would never change a minute of it, bad or good. It made me who I am, and I suppose it made them who they are too. My choice to live the new life I have been blessed with, was not done to intentionally hurt anyone. I just wish the feelings they have decided to share with me were not intentional either. While I have been trying very hard to live my life within the parameters of "The Four Agreements", I feel I have taken all they say a little too personally, and let it hurt me way too much. It's been almost 5 months and I am not going to let it hurt me anymore.
I hope when they are ready to let me into their lives again, it's not because something else has happened to hurt them. I would much prefer to have a happy reunion, whenever the time is right for them. I love you all, and I will until I take my last breath."
Unfortunately, something else has happened in their lives to hurt them and I will not be able to ever make amends with my wife Diana. I just hope she knew how much I loved her and they know how much I still love them..
Over and "Out" three years later, from Chesapeake, VA
4 comments:
COngrats on three years... and here's to three more... and more...
You've come a long way in the past three years. Oh sure your heart has been broken, but not your spirit......
Tom I only recently came across your blog, I've enjoyed your honesty and your heart. I have been fighting the gay side of me for 20 years. It's been the past year or so that I've come to grips with it and knew I had to strike out on my own. My wife of 15 years is furious with me. She thinks if only I would 'control myself' this wouldn't be a problem. I have no idea who in her family she has told, if she has told her mother... everyone knows. And I know they will be as angry and disgusted at me as she is. That is the part I'm not sure how to handle.
I hope we get a chance to visit someday. I'm on yahoo, google and MSN.
thank-you
I'm glad that you are making progress. As for the ex-wife, it may be something that just is. Mine is downright hateful and horrible towards me and tries to turn my children against me regularly. I certainly never wanted this type of animosity but it is what it is and it's her task to deal with her evil side.
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