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January 11, 2007

Reflections

Last February I wrote an interesting post that I just re-read. I thought it may be appropriate to re-post, this month, some of my favorites from my last year of blogging... Yes, on February 16th, I will have been blogging for ONE YEAR!!
THURSDAY FEBRUARY 23, 2006:
"Today I thought of adding an open letter to those of my family that have decided to ignore me, threaten me, hate me, and spread bad things about me. Unfortunately, I cannot change the way they feel, nor can I feel their feelings. The feelings they have are theirs and theirs alone. The only thing I can do is tell them I love them, and that I will help them in any way they want me to.
I did not choose to be gay. Likewise, I did not choose for those feelings to be so overwhelming after the events of this past year. I cherished the life I lived with all of them, without question or thought. I would never change a minute of it, bad or good. It made me who I am, and I suppose it made them who they are too. My choice to live the new life I have been blessed with, was not done to intentionally hurt anyone. I just wish the feelings they have decided to share with me were not intentional either. While I have been trying very hard to live my life within the parameters of "The Four Agreements", I feel I have taken all they say a little too personally, and let it hurt me way too much. It's been almost 5 months and I am not going to let it hurt me anymore.
I hope when they are ready to let me into their lives again, it's not because something else has happened to hurt them. I would much prefer to have a happy reunion, whenever the time is right for them. I love you all, and I will until I take my last breath."
Not alot has changed over the past year with regards to my family, but I am ok...
Over and "Out" from Toano, VA

6 comments:

TJ said...

All you can do is be yourself and never make excuses for doing that to anyone. If people choose to be part of your life they should do so without any reservations or expectations. I went through this process back in 1981 and it took a lot of time before certain people came around. As for those that didn't I was saddened at first, but then realised I was putting way to much energy in to that loss and instead re-channeled that energy into those individuals that mattered. You'll be right....

Glenn said...

What a beautiful post Tom. I think you're better than "ok." Having the courage to live your life on your own terms -- and not on other people's terms -- is the best thing we can do for ourselves. And whether they know it or not, it's the best thing we can do for the people around us. Keep going!

Ryan said...

u know tom love the post first off and i think if they let u back into the family do u really want 2 go after they made u feel so bad about yourself? ya i would say fuck u i got a new and better family its called the gay family and we love ya and support u 100% thats family!

stumpjumper said...

While I agree with most of the comments above, I will only add that when families are toxic they can drain all energy out of a person and so to survive and thrive the ties must be severed. I know, I had to do it or I would have gone insane.
If at some point they come around, it must be on your terms.
You were not put on this earth to live up to anyone's expectations, but to be the best person you can be.
Cheers and continued happiness.

kevin said...

Tom
Looking back on that post, it was a very brave thing to do.
Time does cure things. Either way you have made a decision and im sure you have made the right one.

Remember tom that your life is the most important thing and that you are a good person. Lots of us have made mistakes in the past (me more than most!) and i have found that that it aint easy to rectify them BUT it is easy afterwards because you learn from them....Geez i hope im not rambling!

Either way your post sounds sincere.

Kev in NZ

Maddog said...

Kudos to you for living your life with integrity. I hope that your family will eventually come around. In the meantime surround yourself with people who love and care about you and accept your for who you are.

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