August 24, 2007

I can ONLY Imagine....

Over the past few days I have been re-evaluating my connection with the higher power that some call God...

I was raised, was married (the first time), and raised all of my children as a fairly good catholic. Some years ago I had a falling out with the church. The thought that I would not be forgiven for being gay and happy somehow just didn't seem to demonstrate the teachings of the faith I had always been a part of... Yet Pope John-Paul II assured me (at the same time he condemned me) that the priests involved with children of their parishes, caught years after the fact, would all be forgiven, as they knew what they did was wrong. What a relief... I wonder if they asked for forgiveness before or after they were caught?

I tried, not too long ago, to re-enlist in organized religion. I found an Episcopal church that I really liked the feel of and really liked the similarity to the service I had always been a part of. I began dating Jim (long distance) shortly after and found that I was spending more and more time in Williamsburg, hence missing the services at my new church in Richmond.

Eventually I moved to Williamsburg/Toano and left St. Thomas and the attempted re-connection with faith behind... It has only been over the past few days that I have realized that faith is not something that can only be had by entering the doors beneath a star or cross. It truly is something that travels with you wherever you go. Like FATE (which I also subscribe to), FAITH is a part of what makes me.... me.... It's not something you get in return for placing coins or checks in a basket, it's not something you can teach yourself to do, it's something that you just have. Sometimes it hides itself deep inside and comes out only in times of other emotional distress, other times it hangs on the edge of your shirt sleeve for all to see...

While visiting The Way I See It (one of my regular reads) I listened and watched two versions of the following video. I have always enjoyed the original, however, Wynonna's story and rendition is truly inspiring, soulful, and hanging right there on that sleeve for all to admire:

Over and "Out" from Toano, VA


TWISI said...

thanks for the shout and you are welcome to borrow anytime!

good luck on your continued self discovery.... it is great isn't it!

daveincleveland said...

i have always loved that song, and her version, well just touched my heart and brought a few tears because it is all about discovery and renewing faith.....its a great ride

Maddog said...

What a beautiful song. I congratulate you that you are finding a way to reconcile your faith and your sexuality. I have not been able to do that, and I hate it. It something I explore every once in a while and then gets put on a shelf to be thought about later.

stumpjumper said...

Now you're getting it. When you first visited my site you wrote that you were not as religious as I.

I wondered about that. Sure, being in communion with others of like mind is a great experience, but one can have a Benedictine moment all alone, anywhere.

I was raised RC, too, but left when I was rejected for being gay. Remained unchurched for many years, but never left my faith.
I was received into the Episcopal Church by Bp. John Shelby Spong (if you don't know him, you might want to find out more about him)and have been welcomed in the local church.
Coins or checks in a basket are great to help feed the hungry or assist with other parish ministries, but volunteering is the gift that gives so much in return. A group from my church is going back to NOLA for a week, their 4th trip in two years. I help out with a weekly breakfast for the foreign students working here for the summer. Very rewarding.

It's great to read about your insights, and journey, and remember that it is YOUR journey. Keep a'going.


Paul said...

I first heard this song when it was sung at the funeral of a sixteen year old boy that was killed in a car wreck. You can only imagine the reaction: there wasn't a dry eye in the church.

One Half said...


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