October 11, 2008


I warn you now... this is a longer post than most, but worth the read!

I'm guessing that many of us have wished we were adopted by someone other than the parents that raised us. It would make "coming out" a little easier if we could just expain it away, to genes or some other non-blameable phenomenom. It would ease their (the parents that raised us)minds, certainly if they could explain away the abnormality on someone other than themselves, as well. It could also explain away those differences between our siblings and ourselves, and why we just don't "click" sometimes...

Well I am here to tell you, it makes no difference!

I have always known the man that raised me was not my (nor 2 of my 3 brothers) biological father. He and my Mom were always up front about that. Yet at 22 years old he married her and gained custody of her 3 sons before proceeding to have a 4th (yes he was Catholic). We (my Dad and I) were alway close, until those aweful teenage years when I was sure that I knew much more than this man with two engineering degrees from CAL-POLY did. Fortunately, before he died of cancer in 1979, we had already reconnected and I realized his strange comment/advice to me during those trying teen years: "The older you get, the smarter I'll get" was absolutely true... This man helped design the guidance control system for the Minute Man Missile, of course he was smarter than me... and I got HIS last name!

Fast Forward almost 30 years>>:

Yesterday I met my biological father for (at least in my own memory) the first time... I was, at first hearing of his reappearance to any member of his family for some 40 years, quite interested in meeting him and... well... asking him a few questions. I got to do that and much more.

I woke up yesterday morning knowing I was going to drive up to Williamsburg and have lunch with him, his ladyfriend of several years, and my uncle (his half brother) who I had already met through my (Internet) Auntie, my natural father's sister, who had made contact with me back in the early 90's. I had no real expectations, yet I was feeling somewhat anxious and deep down inside (as we all do) I of course, wanted to be accepted by him without having to "explain" who this 53 year old man has morphed in to.

Since we had already been in contact with each other via email (he has lived in Tasmania and elsewhere in the land "down under" for the past 40 some years) I had already "outed" myself to him, so that was not a real concern and honestly, I was not sure by the time the meeting came to fruition, what it was I expected out of the meeting... Again, no expectations other than acceptance...


The initial meeting/introduction was somewhat "strained", as were the first few hours, including lunch at SEASONS in Colonial Williamsburg's Market Square (I have some friends from the old neighborhood in Toano, that always wanted to "do" Sunday Brunch at Seasons, because they knew the Bloody Marys were "the bomb"), I can now attest to the fact that they most certainly are! After sharing this tip with "bio-pop" he decided to order one as well. It was truly a meal in itself... All four food groups and alcohol... We were definitely making progress and working on a connection!

I think we both loosened up a little and started being more honest with what we really wanted to find out about each other. He didn't give a flying F**K that I was gay. I, on the other hand, had absolutely no qualms nor invasive questions about "why" he left us 50 some odd years earlier... That is between he and my Mom... I have always known that had nothing to do with us (the kids).

I found him extremely fascinating. I found his choice in a partner even more intriguing. His lady friend, I presume, had a lot to do with his quest to reconnect with his family (not only his grown children, but also the brothers and sister he had excommunicated for what ever reasons).

We all spent several hours, first touring the "Historic Triangle" of Williamsburg, Jamestown, and Yorktown... Then touring each others' feelings and thoughts on life in general. I am very glad to know this man. Although I do have an issue calling him "Dad", I don't have a problem calling him "Pop". I hope he understands the significance and accepts the compromise...

I intend on keeping in touch with both of them... I also would really like to visit their world "down under". Who knows... Maybe one day soon, I will be posting from Australia... In the meanwhile, I offer only one suggestion to anyone reading this: We have, what we have, enjoy all the people in your life!

Over and "Out" for today, from home in Chesapeake, VA.

1 comment:

peter said...

It must have been something to finally meet your biological father after all these years.

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