A fellow associate at my old store has gone back to (Graduate) school to get an advanced degree (go for it KR!)... One of her papers is on Homosexuality and she has asked if I would participate by answering some questions for her research. Here are the questions and my responses:
1. When did you first notice having homosexual feelings?
A: I think I have always known.. But if I had to put an age on it probably around 8-9, I just had no idea what it was called.
2. How and when did you come out to yourself?
A: I started coming out to myself in my mid to late 20’s… Remember, it was the early 1980’s and being gay was not as accepted as it is today. The process took years.
3. How and when did you come out to others?
A: The first person I ever “outed” myself to was my 2nd wife, before we got married. She asked me to marry her and I explained my situation to her. I did not truly come out to the rest of the world until 2005, it was my 50th birthday present to myself.
4. What were the first reactions you got from others?
A: Most were very “stand-off-ish” after being told. I found out who my true friends were immediately. My youngest son and one of my brothers still do not talk to me.
5. Did their reactions change over time?
A: Some did, most did not…
6. How did your family react?
A: Most were tolerant, very few accepted me.
7. How long did it take for you to start dating others of your gender?
A: Hahaha… About 10 minutes!! No, seriously I had already dated and had sex with other men earlier on in my life. But more so on the “DL”.
8. Have you encountered discrimination because of your sexuality? What types?
A: Not to my face, but I have suspected it both professionally and personally.
9. Have you ever been favored in any way due to your sexuality?
A: Yes, when selling… Gays and women seem to like to work with gay men.
10. Do you know of other homosexuals who are afraid to "come out"? Do you feel the need to "out" them involuntarily?
A: I know of some yes… No I would NEVER out someone else…
11. How do you feel about the issue of same sex marriages? Homosexuals in the military?
A: Civil Marriages between humans should not be limited in any way, nor should anyone’s right to serve proudly in the armed forces.
12. What groups and/or people (if any) helped you deal with the process of accepting your homosexuality?
A: Other gay friends helped some, but it was ME that accepted me…
I love enlightening other people... I know she would appreciate anyone else responding to the same questions as a comment here...
Over and "Out" from an overcast day in Portsmouth, VA
ps: You may want to add whether you are part of the GLBT community, or are a Straight Supporter (or not).
ps: You may want to add whether you are part of the GLBT community, or are a Straight Supporter (or not).
2 comments:
1. When did you first notice having homosexual feelings?
A: I belive I've always known, but I didn't put a name to it until i was about ten.
2. How and when did you come out to yourself?
A: Proabably as I entered my teenaged years and saw other boys liking girls, and goirls liking boys, and me liking boys.
3. How and when did you come out to others?
A: I simply said, "I'm gay." It started with a few freinds in high school, and then took a few years before everyone I know knew it.
4. What were the first reactions you got from others?
A: The first person told me I was sick. Nearly drove me back in the closet. The second person, however, simply said, "So, you're my friend." Most others were open and accepting; the ones, and they were but a few, I don't know any more.
5. Did their reactions change over time?
A: Nope, the ones who loved me, continue to do so, the ones who couldn't simply disappeared from my life.
6. How did your family react?
A: Very supportive. My mother, of course, already knew, because it seems the mothers always know. My father simply said, "I love you." Siblings and others have been very supportive; one cousin, not so much, but since I rarely see her, it doesn't matter.
7. How long did it take for you to start dating others of your gender?
A: I was in high school, but it was slow and down low, because it wasn't nearly as accepted as it is today, though we still have far to go.
8. Have you encountered discrimination because of your sexuality? What types?
A: Very little. But then I grew up, and always lived in urban areas. But about 4 years ago, my partner and I moved to a very small town in South Carolina [egads!] and I was pleasantly surprised at the gay community here, and the openness of people; coworkers, neighbors, all have been nice. I've seen no blatant discrimination at all.
9. Have you ever been favored in any way due to your sexuality?
A: I don't think so.
10. Do you know of other homosexuals who are afraid to "come out"? Do you feel the need to "out" them involuntarily?
A: I know a few who are still closeted, but coming out must be done at one's own pace. Outing someone, I think, is dangerous because you don't know how they will react. But, when people do come out to me, i quote the old Ellen show, and say, "Good for you, you're gay." Makes 'em smile.
11. How do you feel about the issue of same sex marriages? Homosexuals in the military?
A: Marriage sould be a legal right to all people, regardless of orientation. Civil Unions are simply less than; it must be marriage.
As for sewrving in the military, it should be everyone's right to do so if they choose. I am against discrimination of any kind for any reason.
12. What groups and/or people (if any) helped you deal with the process of accepting your homosexuality?
A: Just friends and family who accepted me as i am. That's all any of us can hope.
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Gay Research...":
I'm sorry to post this under "anonymous;" my name is Steven, but I can't seem to make this work otherwise. I tried earlier with 'name/URL' figuring it would take the name without a URL,(which I don't have). But that didn't seem to work.
1. When did you first notice having homosexual feelings?
A: I don't recall the exact age, it certainly was in childhood. In my 'baby book' where my parents recorded my first year, my mother noted innocently, "seems to prefer men." As I approached the teen years, I knew I was feeling different than other boys my age, and I assumed I would "outgrow it."
2. How and when did you come out to yourself?
A: I finally accepted my homosexual orientation in my own mind and with my own internal voice when I was 18, but I spent the next 9 years praying to God to change me; meanwhile I dated women and ultimately was 'engaged' to a woman for three years. I will always regret what I regard to be 'wasted years,' between age 18 and age 27. At age 27 I was compelled to believe that my orientation was God-given.
3. How and when did you come out to others?
A: I came out to others when I was 27. I first told a close female friend, and that went well. Later that year, when my best friend (male) made an offhand comment that he'd never met a gay man he'd liked, I took a deep breath and said, "well, yes you have, because I'm gay." He's still my best friend, a total of 30 years.
4. What were the first reactions you got from others?
A: My closest friends were happy that I'd presented my complete self for them to know. Other folks just drifted away, and that's OK now.
5. Did their reactions change over time?
A: No.
6. How did your family react?
A: My parents were incredibly horrified and disbelieving initially, and there were some very difficult times for awhile, but looking back, I can say they came around to understanding with admirable speed. I'd had 27 years of preparation; they did not have that luxury of time.
7. How long did it take for you to start dating others of your gender?
A: Once I committed to living as a gay man, I began to date men immediately, again at age 27. At age 32, I met my partner of 15 years.
8. Have you encountered discrimination because of your sexuality? What types?
A: I don't believe I have been discriminated against.
9. Have you ever been favored in any way due to your sexuality?
A: No, although I have for the most part had female bosses over the course of my career, and I perceive, correctly or incorrectly, that they're more comfortable working with a gay man.
10. Do you know of other homosexuals who are afraid to "come out"? Do you feel the need to "out" them involuntarily?
A: I don't know anyone who is afraid to 'come out,' although truth be told, I don't know that many homosexuals personally. I would most definitely never 'out' anyone.
11. How do you feel about the issue of same sex marriages? Homosexuals in the military?
A: My partner and I dream of the day we may be married legally in our state and nation. Homosexuals already serve admirably in the military and they should certainly not have to hide their God-given orientation from anyone in order to remain in military service.
12. What groups and/or people (if any) helped you deal with the process of accepting your homosexuality?
A: It was a purely personal process.
Posted by Anonymous to My New Life at 10/25/2010 11:59:00 AM
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