June 21, 2015

Countdown to 60, Part 3

I don't plan on jinxing anything here by offering up any specifics, but I will confess that I have found someone that intrigues me, excites me, makes me question things, and helps me see things from a different perspective. I'm not sure if this person "feels" the same way about me, other than we have been dating for a little over three months now... I am staying optimistic and cautious at the same time while trying to keep my expectations in check...

I know what lust feels like, I know what "like" feels like, and I know what it feels like to have a soulmate, but after almost 60 years I'm not sure I know what true love feels like, if that makes sense.

Sure I have seen the movies and read the books about the subject but the lines seem muddled between like, lust, soulmate and true love.

In my early 20's I thought I fell in love. I got married and we had two wonderful sons. Something wasn't right and in less than 7 years we grew in different directions and parted ways. Over the years since then I realized that I did love this person but not in a "partnership" kind of way. She was an awesome person, daughter, and mother and I cherished the friendship we had until her passing...

In my early 30's I thought I fell in love again. This person could finish my sentences, as I could her's. We got married and had a son and a daughter. I could talk to her about anything. Unfortunately, talking about them and acting on some of those feelings are two different things. After we each had serious health scares, the communications faltered and after 19 years we (more accurately, I) decided it was wrong to continue to live a lie. She did not handle things that well and we did not speak much afterwards. There were many things I would have enjoyed sharing with her, but alas, she too was called from this earth a few years later.

In my 50's I found what I thought was love again, twice... They each had different definitions of loyalty and fidelity than I did. Both were good people but both relationships ended with someone's feelings getting hurt.

I guess the "jist" of this post is; What is "True Love"? I look back on my past and wonder if I really deserve to know what the meaning really is. This new acquaintance has kept me in check by insisting on taking things slowly. I am grateful for that in a way, as I do have a tendency to "leap before I look" when it comes to relationships.

On this fathers day I must say that I have been blessed with wonderful children (and grandchildren) and while I may not say it often, I am very proud of all of them and Love them all unconditionally.

We'll see how it goes for me on the Countdown to Sixty...

Over and "Out" from Richmond, VA

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