Today I thought of adding an open letter to those of my family that have decided to ignore me, threaten me, hate me, and spread bad things about me. Unfortunately, I cannot change the way they feel, nor can I feel their feelings. The feelings they have are their's and their's alone. The only thing I can do is tell them I love them, and that I will help them in any way they want me to.
I did not choose to be gay. Likewise, I did not choose for those feelings to be so overwhelming after the events of this past year. I cherished the life I lived with all of them, without question or thought. I would never change a minute of it, bad or good. It made me who I am, and I suppose it made them who they are too. My choice to live the new life I have been blessed with, was not done to intentionally hurt anyone. I just wish the feelings they have decided to share with me were not intentional either. While I have been trying very hard to live my life within the parameters of "The Four Agreements", I feel I have taken all they say a little too personally, and let it hurt me way too much. It's been almost 5 months and I am not going to let it hurt me anymore.
I hope when they are ready to let me into their lives again, it's not because something else has happened to hurt them. I would much prefer to have a happy reunion, whenever the time is right for them. I love you all, and I will until I take my last breath.
2 comments:
I don't know which family members are giving you the cold shoulder, but I learned that if your friends and family truly care, they will accept you. I the initial shock, so to speak, is a tough one, one that my mother still seems to be coming to terms with (I have yet officially told my father)...I is tough but hang in there...you will survive....
When I first came out to my family there was so much ignorance and intolerance of my sexuality that THEY missed much of my adulthood. I went about my life as though nothing had changed because for me, nothing really had. I don't agree that your acceptance is predicated on how much your family and friends truly care for you it simply might be that they need time and emotional distance to come to grips with what is your reality now. After all, your recognition didn't come as an epithany, that has been an on-going. I have said many times that no one "chooses" to be gay...the choice is to LIVE as a gay individual. I made that choice many years ago and have never regreted it.
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