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May 7, 2008

Paybacks

I remember when I started this journal how happy and free I felt. I also knew that I had hurt some people very close to me in the process of coming out... I honestly don't think I ever really realized how they may have felt, as it wasn't important to me at the time...
Today I know what hurt feels like. It's been a week since I moved out of the house in Toano, and I have never felt so alone in my life. I have never felt so rejected or un-needed before... I guess it's true what they say, Paybacks are a Bitch!!
I live every day waiting for Jim's call.... Telling me it was all a mistake, that he needs me and misses me as much as I still do him. I feel so empty without him in my life...
I still wake up in the morning feeling for his warmth, to no avail... Just empty sheets and memories...
They say this will pass in time... but I don't know if I want it to... I feel to blame, I feel inadequate, I feel a hole in my soul where he should be... I love him still...
Over and "Out" from Chesapeake, VA

1 comment:

Ron said...

I'm glad I found your blog. Quite by accident. Through a link to my friend's blog, Denied Intervention. Your relationship breakup also brings back memories. Painful memories. Yes, it does get better. However, it never does go completely away. There will always be a hole in your heart. At least for me there was. And P-town was where it happened.

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