Well.... It's Thursday in sunny Richmond VA. I drove around earlier, running some errands, with the top down on my convertible (AGAIN)... Maybe I shouldn't be so hasty to give up on this place. It can be rather fun at times...

Fun is something that I know abounds in this, the River City, the Capitol City... I just have not found it yet at night without being gobbled up by second hand smoke, and being sent to the poorhouse by a waiter that has nothing but good intentions, when he brings me a $30.00 bar bill. Who in their right mind can afford that? I drink a Miller Lite, with an Iced Tea chaser (the tea is usually a little less costly) just to save myself and not get too drunk.

We need a place like the gym, that has free pool tables, foos-ball, pinball games, no smoking, and all you can drink Iced Tea that charges like 27.99 a month... Oh yeah, and it should have tons of very handsome single men... Am I asking too much? I think not...

I tried coming off my anti-anxiety medication over the past month, and thought I was doing very well. Until yesterday when I couldn't focus at all... I promptly called my MD so he would approve a renewed prescription.. Oh well... I tried....

til the next time....

Sunday night I helped some good friends host a party at their home... The guests were a hodgepodge of Richmonders, gay, straight, old, young, male, female, natives and transplants. In between assisting my friends, I had the opportunity to have a couple of really enlightening conversations with several people.

The best was a dialog I was having with a group of VCU Med students and their friends and spouses. Not a one of them was over 30. We shared some political views, some religious thoughts, and had a interesting conversation about their view on the significant differences between their generation (GenX) and mine (Baby Boomer). While there are a number of variances between the two, it was amazing to me how grateful these kids were for the generation that preceded them. I think one of the quotes was "You all dreamed up and made possible things like the internet, personal computers, and IPODS... We have never known life without them". I have two boys close to these young peoples' ages, I hope that they find the time to share their thoughts with someone one day, and impress that someone, like these very special people did me.

I think that while we didn't solve any major world issues, we may have at least chipped away at one...

Life is full of little surprises... It's especially fun when one drops in your lap...

Sometimes I wonder...

You ever say that to yourself? I do frequently these days. I have hurt someone through my actions, and I wonder what would have happened had I not.

Having been with someone for the past 30 years, I had always wondered what it would be like to be alone. Not lonely, but alone. I think part of the growing I need to do is to find that out. I wonder if I can...

I have never been to the Ballet, the Opera, or the Symphony. I always wondered what it would be like. I remember seeing the movie Pretty Woman, and watching the expression on Julia Roberts' character's face as she experienced the opera for the first time. I wonder if I will feel the same emotional connection. I hope so... The friend that I hurt told me he had purchased tickets for A Midsummer Night's Dream at the Landmark in April. It stars the artists of the Richmond Ballet, the Richmond Symphony and the Virginia Opera. I wonder what it will be like?

Wow, my life seems so different now. Sometimes I wonder...

Til next time...

Happy 18th Birthday to my baby... I love you very much!

Tuesday and Wednesday were days off (my weekend) for me. They were very relaxing, yet complicated and filled with tension and stress. Without getting to detailed and boring, I got to see my wife... also saw (what I suspect will be) the last snow this winter, had a wonderful evening Tuesday with a friend, after a home cooked spaghetti dinner. Finally topped the weekend off with another home cooked dinner (meatloaf, mashed potatoes, peas) with my house-mate, and two good friends. We had dinner, a few cocktails, played some UNO and watched the elimination round of American Idol... Poor "Chicken Little"... before retiring for the evening.

I think I may have lost a close friend last night though... I have been trying to tell this friend that I need space and time... I thought he understood, apparently I did not communicate my feelings with enough uuummmpphhh... I hope he wants to continue our Friendship as just that, a wonderful friendship... I cannot give him what he wants as I still have way too much going on in my life...

I hope he takes the time to read the book I shared with him... By not taking things personally, not allowing other people to manipulate the agreements you make with yourself, you can better see the entirety of your own personal dream without the poisonous effects of others' negative comments and thoughts.

Today is not about ME, or HIM, or anyone other than my baby girl who turns 18... I love you sweetie, I always have and I always will... your Daddy

Club Z2, in Richmond

can be a bustling, busy, meat market on the weekend, but on Sunday nights it is like a neighborhood bar and hangout (albeit gay). I called a friend after I got home from work at 7pm, to see if he wanted to go shoot some pool. This friend and I have been seeing alot of each other and I know I care for him... He cares for me too, I know... Probably too much sometimes. I guess I am lucky.

We had a quiet evening with one glitch. About 9pm a good looking young man (who had apparently been drinking) came into the bar and wanted to know if he could play some pool. I suggested he put his name (Chris) on the board and he could play the winner. Chris obviously took care of himself, as after I lost to my friend, I could not keep my eyes off him as he played. I later tried to drum up a simple conversation with Chris to found out he was in his 40's and not as young as I though he was. He played a couple of games, and before leaving I asked if he was ok to drive, he said he was... I asked a second time after he fetched his coat, again he said he was ok to drive. I was not offering him a ride to do anything but ensure he made it home safely... Under other circumstances I may have had ulterior motives, but I don't take advantage of alcoholically impaired people...

The encounter with Chris reminded me that I am not ready for a serious relationship. I like to flirt, and I like to look... I promise anyone I go out with one thing... If I came with you, I will leave with you... For now that's all I can handle.

Be Impeccable with Your Word...
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using your word (verbal or written) to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz

Another Sunday morning in Richmond VA...

I guess I seem to bash Richmond sometimes. It is really not a terrible place to be or live. I think I will eventually have fewer and fewer good memories of it though.

I did a google search yesterday on the best places, for gay men over 50, to live. I was surprised. There are a number of counties in Florida (which I would never move back to), California (which I could never afford), and a sleepy little county in Massachusetts, on the cape... Barnstable... My brother has tried to convince me to move to the cape, he loves it there, and is convinced I would like it too. I have visited Cape Cod on several occasions, but always presumed it was Provencetown that was the gay friendly community. It seems I may have been mistaken.

I have convinced myself that the right thing to do is stay in Richmond until things settle down with my wife and kids here. Maybe until the fall of this year. It will have been a year since our separation in October. Things might be better then for all of us. Or perhaps not... Either way I am sure I will be happy where ever I am.. And, I will always do my best.

Oh, just a note, the first ex Mrs Rimington, Michele, starts chemo-therapy this week. It appears that I am attracted to women (or possibly contribute to it's cause) with the potential for breast cancer... My thoughts are with her, I know it's not easy to go through, especially alone. I wear two pink (Livestrong type) Awareness bracelets on my wrist... They represent the need to continue the research, the search for a cure, and for continued awareness of this horrible disease. I am always aware, I hope you find time to be as well...

Happy St. Patricks Day!

Richmond and my Life... What a complicated place and web I weave.

I just reread my entry from yesterday. I was very "up" when I wrote that. Things changed so dramatically afterwards. My wife has been following my journal (blog) and tried to do something similar in an email to me last night. "Tried to do something similar" is where the similarity ends. Although I read it in a totally different light, it read angry, upset, vindictive, and evil. I tried to apply the philosophy of the "Four Agreements" to not take things personally, to no avail. I got angry and upset with the words she typed.

I Responded...

Probably not the smartest thing to do in retrospect. I used big words like "spousal support" and "taxable income" and drew the lioness from her den. She started calling me. I missed the first call (eating dinner seemed more important at the time), but answered her 2nd call.

Not at all what I expected...

She was upset, but not angry, vindictive, or evil... She was once again the woman I remembered falling in love with some 25 years ago. She spoke of things like "Leaving you alone to live your life" and "Understanding your need to be the (gay) person you are" and "What are WE going to do now"... We have never had any substantial financial footings. My exit has compounded the lack of cashflow, as there are now additional expenses. The "What are WE going to do now" hit like a ton of bricks... What are we going to do now? I had to give up a reasonably well paying management position because of the stress it caused (Heart attack 02/16/2005) for a less stressful retail (100% commission furniture sales) position. What are WE going to do now? We have a son at VCU and a daughter graduating from high school this year. What are WE going to do now? We don't make the money we once did, yet we have a few more expenses...

What are WE going to do now?

She has found part time employment to help pay for things, I need to do the same, or find a job in my field of expertise (with a salary more in line with what I am used to) that has a level of stress I can manage. She is not being unreasonable, I need to be more reasonable. She is keeping the family together, I need to try to mend things with the same family. We managed to separate and alienate over the past 6 months, maybe I need to try harder to mend the rift I have caused in our family. I cannot be anything other than GAY, but I can try harder to be supportive...

I am glad we were able to talk on the phone. I hope I can help more than I have been. It may take awhile, but I will try harder. I promise.

Life is tough, even in Richmond VA on St Patricks Day... Cheers!

You know??? Sometimes you get conflicting feelings or impressions about new people you meet. I did, when it comes to my new attorney. When we first chatted on the phone I wasn't at all sure this was the person I wanted "looking out for me". After we met yesterday, I felt much more comfortable. Today I received copies of the letters and answer to the divorce complaint she wrote to my wife's attorney and the clerk at the county courthouse. Wow... Am I impressed. She took in everything we discussed in our hour long meeting (even some on the tiny details) and did a superb job in articulating them into "legaleze". Thank you Richard, for recommending her.

I have had a very productive day. I have done all my laundry, done some grocery shopping, mowed the front yard, and feel Great! I have some country ribs cooking in the crock pot, with a Chinese bar-b-que sauce, it smells wonderful. These with some rice and stir fried veggies will be dinner tonight for my house-mate, a friend, and me.

A friend of mine from Miami and I had a wonderful chat today. She is experimenting with holistic cures and meditation to make her life richer. I shared with her my views on the teachings of Don Miguel Ruiz, and the "Four Agreements". After explaining them to her, I felt better. It was like a refresher course for me, and I came out of it with a much better internal outlook on things. I hope it works for her too...

Nuff for now... Look into your own soul for guidance, every day... No one else can do that for you... the answers are all there, waiting for you... be good...

Friday nights are so unpredictable... Yeah, I know this is Wednesday night (Thursday morning), but for me it's FRIDAY... I came home from work around 9:15pm and was trying to decide what I should do...

I started my morning giving a complete stranger a check for $500.00 to represent me in my exit from my "straight" life. While I wrote that check I also realized I would be giving my wife $500.00 less than I could under normal circumstances. She will not be happy, but I am not the one that served their gay spouse with divorce papers...

I decided to call a friend, yeah he knows who he is, and see if he'd like to go shoot some pool and hang out... He accommodated me once again (even though this was really a Wednesday night to him) and agreed to go out. We shot some pool, talked, and had some great conversations with Johnny, Rick, Dan, Jolie, Ron, Bob, and a new friend from Atlanta....

I had a great time, I really like the person I have turned out to be, through my metamorphosis into the gay man I have always known myself to be. I am glad that some people see the "ora" of the real Tom and appreciate the same... Regardless, of those I know that don't...

After having my meeting with my new attorney this morning, I feel less connected with Richmond than I did yesterday... Who knows... Maybe Columbus OH isn't all that bad afterall...

Be good, be real, be yourself...

Ok... No fair... I just read the blog of the guy I spent yesterday with... I cannot possibly out describe the day we had...

For those of you who do not have access to his blog, we drove down to Norfolk (then later to Virginia Beach) in my convertible, and yes, the top was down because the day was like a south Florida spring day, not a late winter Richmond Virginia Sunday. We first went to Nauticus, the Maritime Museum on the Norfolk waterfront. We toured the USS Wisconsin, an Iowa class battleship, then walked down the beautiful parklike path over to Waterside...

Richmond needs a waterfront like Norfolk. Well, it would not look the same, but the access should be similar... I spent many years in South Florida, and in all geographies (Miami/Ft. Lauderdale/West Palm) any time the waterfront was included in a construction/development plan, the area around it prospered... Richmond make note, the Canal Walk does not constitute waterfront in my book, even though it technically is. I would prefer to wrench my neck and peer over the warehouse rooftops at the James (from Legends Brewhouse) than bake in the stale air of the canal walk, which has all the personality of the concrete walls holding the James' magnificence out...

We had lunch at Hooters, yes I still like Hooters even though I am gay... We checked out the shopping areas in the Waterside complex, then headed back to the car for the short trip to Virginia Beach. It is fun to "cruise" on the main drag (Atlantic Ave, I think) with the top down, lots of things and people to see. We found some off street parking and walked over to the boardwalk, yet another waterfront development plan strikes gold, for a colorful stroll. I think the businesses along the beach mis-judged the potential traffic this weekend, as alot of the places were still closed for the off season. Those places that were open, while perhaps not staffed for it, were taking care of as many of us as they possibly could, with smiles on their faces...

The drive home was equally as pleasant as the drive down. We selected a mutually enjoyable CD and had great conversation between and during the tracks and yawns. It was a long, sunny, windy day for two middle aged youngsters... Not that I am complaining... I dropped my tour-mate off at his house, went home and heated up some leftovers, and tried to watch the West Wing, before falling fast asleep...

Thank you for a wonderful day. More to come....

My niece, Jessica, emailed me from Beijing, China today. How proud her parents must be of her. She is in her freshman year at Georgetown University, the president/ceo of her own non-profit organization http://www.oneworldyouthproject.org , and has addressed the United Nations... WOW!

The following are a couple of paragraphs from that email:

"This is something I will never forget... Yesterday afternoon we sat with nine other women around a large wooden table. All of us had a small cup of warm, sweet-smelling tea cradled in our hands. Light shone through the window blinds, creating strips of sunshine across the table, our faces, our hands. It was silent except for our hushed voices (I feel like I speak softer in China) and the frequent interspersing of our laughter. Jill Slutzker and I had just finished 3 days of workshops with the sophomore class of Yuxin High School in Beijing (paired with a sister-school in Maryland for One World Youth Project). Ms. Xing Shuqin, the sophomore teacher, had assembled all of the English teachers and us together to talk about teaching techniques, youth leadership, and learning a second language. It was a truly fascinating conversation. It seemed appropriate that on International Women's Day (a well recognized holiday in China) eleven women of varying ages should be gathered together discovering commonalities and analyzing differences in the most important tool in empowering women... in empowering anyone... education".

"For only knowing one word of Chinese, I have felt surprisingly understood the past few days. There is so much underlining unity that exists between people. So much can be said by eye contact, hand gestures -even by the tiny twitches of your lips when you speak. And, so much can be communicated through expectations. For instance, I might consider 'if I were Ms. Jiangying what might I be thinking now'? What might I say next? Ms. Jiangying could consider the same questions of me. And thus far, it seems, we are often correct in our assumptions. Sense of humor is also a big part of it. Whoever said, "We all laugh in the same language" (even if now an overused favorite of Hallmark!) was correct. I feel like Americans and Chinese have more in common than they might think. I feel like we communicate similarly. And, it seems this is a very good thing -since the future of our nations are becoming more and more entwined".

Isn't she an impressive young woman? Imagine if the gay/straight communities were to share this same passion for living... If a 20 year old woman can do this in China, what can we accomplish today?

Words as food for thought. Please visit my niece's website and do what you can do!

Enjoy.... Tom

Good evening Richmond!

I am so darned sunburned. And it is oddly shaped, in places I don't normally get burned. Alright you guys with your minds in the gutter, that's not what I'm talking about. The top of my scalp hurts (yes under my hair), my forehead, eyes, and the tops of my ears are burned. I look like I dipped both hands into very hot water and pulled them out, as they are burned (except where my watch was) halfway up my forearms (right where my long sleeve shirt was rolled up to).

I drove back from Melbourne Beach, Florida yesterday with the convertible top down from 9:30ish to about 4:00pm. Now it may surprise you to know that I do know what sunscreen is, why I chose not to put any on yesterday, surprises me even more. I never go out without sunscreen, yet I never thought once about needing it inside the car. Yeah, it's my first convertible... and... I am blond.

I spent some quality time down there with my parent... My Mom... It was my time to go and comfort her in her time of need, and it ended up feeling like she did all the comforting. With the stuff in my life going on (which I thought I had pretty much under control) I was an easy target for a very talented Mom. We talked alot, we took a couple of long walks, we had a wonderful lunch out at a seafood place called squid-LIPS (interesting name though) right on the Indian (or Banana) River in Sebastian. Awesome food and ambiance.

Oh... on the way down to Florida, I was apparently harboring a nasty cold (one that could annihilate all mankind, I think) and it came to full fruition about 3 hours before I got there. The first day all I did was apologize, sneeze, cough, and apologize more... Sorry Mom...

More on my Florida story tomorrow, my eyes grow tired and weary... Goodnight!

I have missed a few days and I will try to make up.

On Friday, my Mom called from Florida to tell me her husband (my Stepfather) had passed away. She advised my brothers and me that there was not going to be any service and there was really no need for any of us to travel down. She and the stepbrothers were handing the cremation and scattering of ashes, and she just wanted to be alone.

On Saturday morning I decided that was poppy-cock, whether or not she thought she needed it I was coming down....

Firstly, because she's MY Mom, and I think I know her pretty well, and she is not an "Alone" type of person. Secondly, because she is MY Mom, and I hadn't seen her in over a year, and I just needed my Mommy.....

I know these reasons may sound selfish to some, but as things turned out, I think we helped each other alot.

Florida stories to follow on subsequent days...

Til next, we meet.....

I should have known today was going to be difficult. I woke up this morning with a real strange feeling in my gut. I had a 10:00am appointment with my therapist and I couldn't help thinking about the choices I have made over these past several months. While I know the choices were the right ones, I couldn't help but feel the pain I caused others by making them. I teared up several times in his office during my session. I have never done that before. I realized I miss talking to my wife and younger children (17 and 19) too.

I came home after my session, to find a summons hanging from the knob on my front door. I have always known that it was possible that my wife would want to divorce, I just guess I never expected that it would happen. Appearantly, in her eyes, I have deserted her and my children, without cause. The papers make me sound so cold and evil in the legaleze they are written in:

"The defendant has withdrawn from the marital relationship, has told the plaintiff that he is gay and no longer wishes to be married to the plainfiff, has abandoned the marital residence, and has committed acts which constitute both constructive desertion and abandonment"

Wow, I would tar and feather anyone that had done this to anyone I cared about.

Now, rather than giving my wife financial support to help pay the mortgage and/or take care of the expenses around the house, I have to pay an attorney to represent my interests too (less for her and less for me).

I still love her. I always will.

I have made the choice to not be with her, and now I pay the emotional and financial piper.

Til next time.....